Do I need a home?
Still not at home.
It's already been a year since I started hanging out in Hesston. We're still not entirely sure we're Hesstonians yet, and never dreamed it would take this long to feel "at home." It's quite certain that others seem it a necessity that at some point my transition end, and my "at-home"ness commence. This is clear by the endless barrage of questions parishioners throw my way. What's not as clear is why it's so important that I find home. Perhaps the questions are posed out of genuine concern. Or, perhaps much more is resting on my feeling like I've found a place to relax and let my guard down. Perhaps what is really sought is someone who can verify lifestyles, and cultural choices. After all, what better way to say 'yes' than to adopt that lifestyle. And how could one ever feel at home while being a fish out of water.
Jesus on the prowl,... again.
But what the heck does it mean to feel "at home," anyway? Aren't we supposed to feel a bit out of place as Christians, wherever we are? Isn't that, after all, the point, or at least part of the point? As hard as I've tried to find - and believe me, I've been to hell and back looking - a way to tame Jesus, to take the edge off, I'm simply exhausted by the effort. Jesus never felt at home in his ministry. And no, I don't just mean that Jesus was homeless. Though he was. Sure, there's that troubling line that says, "Foxes have dens, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." That in and of itself makes me squirm when I use my remote controlled garage door opener to open my two-car garage (filled with two silver cars, and two green bikes), and than wander around my too too-big 4-bedroom 2 1/2 bath house. Unfortunately for me, that's not all there is to it.
No, if Jesus was just homeless, I could disregard that as not practical, or even safe. But there's this deep sense that Jesus was somehow "other" than the world around him. He said "my kingdom is not of this world," and backed it up by living the craziest life I've ever seen! He was salt in a stale world, light to the cultures darkness, a fish gasping for breath in a sin-starved world. Or rather the only one able to breath in our God-breathed world! Either way, he was "in, but not of, the world." Is it possible to interpret the temptation to come "home" as anything other than an invitation to be both in and of the world? Oh, I wish that were true. But the conviction still rises.
Jesus was a resident alien here on this blue planet of ours, a citizen first and foremost of the revolution of God before he was a patriot of any earthly allegiance. And he never asks us to do anything but be like him! Jesus never yet has asked me to settle, or go home. No way, he bids me every day I pay attention to "come, follow me." It's only the days I work really hard to block his voice that I can even begin to relax and feel at "home." I'm better at that than I care to admit!
Called to be different
But here I am, living in Hesston, and loving it. Loving it not because I am "at one" with all things that are here but rather because God has called me to a life of ministry here at this time. Shouldn't our confidence, peace of mind, and comfort be based in our connection to Christ, and not in our lifestyle? That, I'm certain, is the point of it all.
This disciple thing is a dangerous business, shatters the status quo and disrupts the flow of blood to my head. But I welcome the beatings! And I welcome my ridiculous God into my life. I hope that one day I get it. Maybe then I'll be called to my true home. May God continue to pester me into faithfulness.
It's already been a year since I started hanging out in Hesston. We're still not entirely sure we're Hesstonians yet, and never dreamed it would take this long to feel "at home." It's quite certain that others seem it a necessity that at some point my transition end, and my "at-home"ness commence. This is clear by the endless barrage of questions parishioners throw my way. What's not as clear is why it's so important that I find home. Perhaps the questions are posed out of genuine concern. Or, perhaps much more is resting on my feeling like I've found a place to relax and let my guard down. Perhaps what is really sought is someone who can verify lifestyles, and cultural choices. After all, what better way to say 'yes' than to adopt that lifestyle. And how could one ever feel at home while being a fish out of water.
Jesus on the prowl,... again.
But what the heck does it mean to feel "at home," anyway? Aren't we supposed to feel a bit out of place as Christians, wherever we are? Isn't that, after all, the point, or at least part of the point? As hard as I've tried to find - and believe me, I've been to hell and back looking - a way to tame Jesus, to take the edge off, I'm simply exhausted by the effort. Jesus never felt at home in his ministry. And no, I don't just mean that Jesus was homeless. Though he was. Sure, there's that troubling line that says, "Foxes have dens, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." That in and of itself makes me squirm when I use my remote controlled garage door opener to open my two-car garage (filled with two silver cars, and two green bikes), and than wander around my too too-big 4-bedroom 2 1/2 bath house. Unfortunately for me, that's not all there is to it.
No, if Jesus was just homeless, I could disregard that as not practical, or even safe. But there's this deep sense that Jesus was somehow "other" than the world around him. He said "my kingdom is not of this world," and backed it up by living the craziest life I've ever seen! He was salt in a stale world, light to the cultures darkness, a fish gasping for breath in a sin-starved world. Or rather the only one able to breath in our God-breathed world! Either way, he was "in, but not of, the world." Is it possible to interpret the temptation to come "home" as anything other than an invitation to be both in and of the world? Oh, I wish that were true. But the conviction still rises.
Jesus was a resident alien here on this blue planet of ours, a citizen first and foremost of the revolution of God before he was a patriot of any earthly allegiance. And he never asks us to do anything but be like him! Jesus never yet has asked me to settle, or go home. No way, he bids me every day I pay attention to "come, follow me." It's only the days I work really hard to block his voice that I can even begin to relax and feel at "home." I'm better at that than I care to admit!
Called to be different
But here I am, living in Hesston, and loving it. Loving it not because I am "at one" with all things that are here but rather because God has called me to a life of ministry here at this time. Shouldn't our confidence, peace of mind, and comfort be based in our connection to Christ, and not in our lifestyle? That, I'm certain, is the point of it all.
This disciple thing is a dangerous business, shatters the status quo and disrupts the flow of blood to my head. But I welcome the beatings! And I welcome my ridiculous God into my life. I hope that one day I get it. Maybe then I'll be called to my true home. May God continue to pester me into faithfulness.
posted by Heretic @ 3:41 PM
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